The Wolverine: The one that doesn't suck (as much)

Another day, another X-movie. By now you should know the drill, so let's go:

The Wolverine (unrated extended edition)

Poor wittle Wulberine's heart is broken because he stabbed his crush to death, then a Quirky Asian Girl shows up and brings him to Japan, where he fights ninjas and sleeps with gorgeous women.

This second Wolverine movie is a huge upgrade from the first insomuch as it's not a colossal pile of excrement. In fact, there is a lot to like here.

This is what we wanted

Exploring the thread's of Jean's death was a good choice. Gettin into Logan's adventures in Japan was a great choice. The tone is somber and moody and pretty much on point. Great acting by Jackman. Ninjas! Suppressing his powers was a total plot contrivance -- "oh, look, he's in real danger now!" wink wink -- but it worked. All good pieces to add to your LEGO creation, if your LEGO creation is a movie about a guy with claws fighting ninjas and exploring more of his mysterious (not largely uninteresting) past.

But there is also lots to dislike.

It moves along at a glacial pace. The story doesn't make a damn bit of sense. (Seriously, old guy asks for Wolvie's power, Wolvie says no, Wolvie gets poisoned and his power suppressed ... and they then let him go? Really? Why not just frickin' capture him and take his power right then and there? HE WAS SLEEPING IN YOUR HOME FERCHRISTAKE!!) Old man in a big giant samurai suit is totally incongruous with the rest of the movie. Lady Viper is ... why is she here again? What is her motivation? Because it's not at all clear why this mega bitch has a hard-on for being evil and for doing bad shit to Logan. The hell? And so on.

The extended edition adds about 10 more minutes that you really don't need to see, a few additional F bombs, and blood. The latter bit is the best addition. For the first time on film, Wolverine's claws do actual damage to the human body. It's not full-on gore, but there are a few subtle limb removals, tiny bits of blink-and-you-miss-it splatter, and at the end of battles his claws are actually covered in blood.

So there is that.

Instead we got Lost in Translation With Claws

But my second viewing left me pretty unimpressed. Watching the extended edition was probably a bad choice, because even the theatrical cut needs about 20 minutes cut from it. This version needs a solid 30 or more. Tighten this bitch up and it'll be solid but not great.

As it stands, the fantastic tone and awesome setting only barely manage to balance out the nonsensical story and sludgy pacing. Hell, you're more than an hour into the flick and it's STILL not clear what is happening aside from the fact that people want to kill Mariko and Wolverine's powers are on the fritz.

The Wolverine was heaped with praise by many when it was first release, cited as the movie that finally got Wolverine right. In retrospect, eh. 'Tis okay, but that's about it.